Cheese

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Someone told me once:

"A smile is much cheaper than electricity and gives much more light."


I've always loved pictures. Since the first time I boarded a ship in Luanda (Angola), a camera or a mobile phone has been my constant company on every journey. I’ve never been overly concerned with the quality of the images, but rather with what they represent. Every photo is tied to a memory.

Boat ashore, camera with me. Dolphin in the water, camera in my pocket, ready to shoot. Sunset? "Sun, wait for me while I grab the camera." Moments like these have happened countless times. Believe me, I have a collection of very silly photos.

From time to time, I revisit those photos, sometimes because I feel like it, and sometimes because my mobile’s app decides to remind me. But lately, I’ve found myself not enjoying them as much, especially the ones where I’m in the frame.

From a year back, my photos would show me clowning around or smiling—a true reflection of my personality. Now, I've aged 10 years. I’ve gained some weight, but that’s not what troubles me. What truly breaks my heart is seeing the seriousness in my expression in recent photos. It’s that unsettling feeling of being somewhere else. Apathy toward my daughters, detachment from the people around me, insecurity...

A few days ago, I decided open the backpack I’ve been carrying and unload all the weight I’ve been holding inside. It has been a decision for my own well being and for the sake of those who genuinely know and care for me.

As I write these words, I realize that I love writing. It’s therapeutic, and it helps me convey how I truly feel. 

“Mr. Park,” as I’ve nicknamed him in private, has his dark side, but he also brings something positive. Not long ago, I wouldn’t have dared to write this text and even less share it. But now, I no longer wonder"What will the people say?."

I focus on myself, I think about mi. People will have to accept me, with  Mr. Park.



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